Getting Started

So everything must begin somewhere; a journey of a thousand miles and all that. This is the Heintzelman Family Blog. It's a chance to tell some stories about the way we do things and the stuff that happens when we live life the way we do. Some of the posts on this blog may be old and some may be new. To be honest, I'm not sure what I'll write about. But, people tell us all the time that we should write some of our stories down, so I guess I'll try.

Right Now...

Before I back pedal too much, I should probably start with were we stand today. I'm actually posting this blog from the driver's seat of my truck while waiting for a tow truck to show up and drag my wife's car home. Not sure exactly what's wrong with it, but I'm changing the alternator next. I really hope that works.

Esther and I will celebrate our 18th anniversary this summer, which is weird because I'm only 30. I'm not sure how that math adds up, but trust me, it does. We have 12 kids, and yes, we have watched that show on TLC about the family with like 19 kids. It's amazing how many people ask us that. What's more amazing is how many follow up that question with the question, "Have you guys ever met them?". I usually answer, "Yes, we met at last year's, Giant Families For America conference." (By the way, that is sarcasm. If there is a Giant Families For America conference, we've never been).

Our kids are great. I'm not afraid to write that. I don't worry about them reading it and me having to deal with 12 swollen egos. You see, our kids are home-schooled so they can't read, which is good since I've been telling them for years that the daddy bear ate Goldie Locks. How embarrassing would it be for them to read it for themselves and find out that I had been lying to them for years about the ending to the story.

We're not sure how we wound up with 12 kids. Now all of you who would have asked, "Don't you know what causes that?", have your answer. We have no idea. I'm assuming it's a virus, but it could also be that Esther accidentally got wet and her skin bubbled up and out popped these 12 little Gremlins. Don't worry, I won't feed them after midnight. The truth is, we always wanted a big family. If we would have been able script the whole family plan, we would have probably had one, waited a couple years, had another, adopted a child or two, had another a few years later, adopted another, and so on. We would have eventually wound up with a big family, but maybe not quite as quickly as we did. We had nine kids in 12 years; no multiples. Do the math. That's pretty efficient. How ever we got here, there's a ton of us. Most of the time it seems pretty normal to us, but every once in a while, when we are walking into a restaurant, I look around at the tribe that is following me (usually complete with tribal markings and weapons made from sticks and rocks), and I realize that I have a lot of freaking kids!

Josiah's my oldest. He's the pride of my youth. I had him when I was 20, so basically I was a kid. He reminds me of this all the time. It usually goes something like this, "Hey, I didn't have a savings account when I was a one-year-old like Eve does. Do you know how much money I would have if you had been putting money in a saving account since I was one?" My answer goes, "Son, I was 20. I didn't know what a savings account was" He's been my shadow for 17 years. He works for me and I'm crazy proud of him. His hair is too long, he now has a tiny, scruffy little patch of hair on his chin, and he loves 80's big hair bands. In short, he's a great kid.

Matthew is my second and he makes me a hypocrite. You see, he's a ton like I was at his age, and he drives me crazy. He's really good in school and lost at real life. If we don't watch him, he will get lost in Wal-mart. He has a very intelligent sense of humor and a quick, witty tongue. He's usually oblivious to the world around him, but has a giant heart for people who are hurting and he has become my philosophy buddy. So far, he's the only of my children that seems to enjoy listening to me talk about philosophy. So he's obviously a good actor too.

Elijah is Nut. I didn't forget the "a" in that last sentence. His nickname is Nut. He likes it. He was quite upset when he couldn't get his teachers to call him Nut. Nut makes me believe in Karma. You see, everyone loves Nut. I am being serious. EVERYONE loves nut. It's uncanny. He's a quirky, awkward kid who likes the weirdest stuff, but he loves people. And you know what they say, "People love people who love people". Oh yeah, you're probably wondering about the Karma statement. You see, Josiah and Matthew are terrible to Nut. They not only abuse him, they invite friends over to abuse him too. We are convinced that the reason everyone loves Nut is because he takes so much abuse at home. There has to be a cosmic balance to the amount of punishment he endures. It comes back in the form of extreme favor from everyone else. Josiah and Matthew now take credit for everyone loving Nut, and they have chosen to take the calling of abusing their brother so that others will love him very seriously. By the way, being a Christian, I probably butchered the real meaning of Karma, but it makes the story read smoother, so please cut me some slack.

Well that's three. I'll pick up with Joshua the next time I write. You know you have too many kids when one blog post isn't enough room to introduce them all.

Let us know what you think of our blog. Also, if you know some Heintzelman stories and you think they should be posted for the world, remind me to tell them. Until next time...