A few nights ago at dinner, Esther, my children, and I got into a conversation about poverty. Esther was telling me about an article that she had read concerning the remarkable, relative richness of America's poor compared to the balance of the globe. A couple of my older children chimed into the conversation and off we went, into an impromptu "Life Lesson" from Dad. I have decided to script this conversation for you, my reader. Please follow along closely as our dinner conversations can get pretty hectic and hard to follow. Unfortunately, the confines of the written word will not allow me to type one statement literally on top of another as they happen in real life, so I am afraid this transcript may come off a little flat. Please forgive this inadequacy.
Setting- The Heintzelman Dinner Table. The meal has been finished and the characters are sitting at the table talking.
Mom: (to Dad) I read a very interesting article today, written by this guy who did a study on the people in America who live below the poverty level.
Dad: (to Mom) Yeah, I saw a headline. Something about how they are rich compared to the rest of the world.
Rebekah: (seemingly to the air, giving every indication this mantra has been going on for some time) Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom.. (Character continues as conversations resumes)
Zechariah: (speaking incredibly fast from far end of table, also seemingly to the air) Did you know the only part of a shark that you can even eat is the fins? Actually, I don't know if that is true of all sharks, but I read that it's true of some.
Samuel: (using his fork as a super hero and his cup as a villain) "I will conquer the world", "Not so fast", (fork stabs cup), "CURSE YOU PERRY THE PLATYPUS!"
Mom: (to Dad) Actually, the story was about how rich the poor are compared to the middle class. Not rich in terms of income or cash on hand, but rich in terms of actual amenities. BEKAH, STOP! I am trying to talk to your dad.
Bekah: (after a 1/4 second pause) Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom... (Character continues as conversations resumes)
Isaac: (to Dad) Dad, Dad, Dad
Dad: (to Isaac) What?
Isaac: (to Dad) Poop
Dad: (to Isaac) Did you poop?
Isaac: (to Dad) Yeah
Dad: (to Elijah) Nut, Isaac made a flower for you.
(Elijah sighs deeply and drops his head)
Isaac: (to Matthew) Math, Math, Math
Mathew: (to Isaac) What?
Isaac: (to Matthew) Poop
Matthew: (to Isaac) Did you Poop?
Isaac: (to Matthew) Yeah
Matthew: (raising his voice, but still looking at his plate) Nut, Isaac made a flower for you.
(Elijah sighs even more deeply and drops his head even deeper)
Mom: (now seeming to simply talk to her plate) The study showed that something like 80% of the people in the U.S. Have at least two TVs, one or more cars, a gaming system...
Dad: Did you know that 76% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
Joshua: Wait. Is that true?
Dad: No, I just made it up on the spot.
Joshua: Wait. (looks off into the distance with a contemplative expression)
Mom: (raising voice over general cacophony) Anyway, when it comes to standard of living and and the general amenities of life, America's poor live really good.
Matthew/Dad: (simultaneously) Well. Live really Well.
(General volume reaches a painful level)
Dad: HEY! BRING IT DOWN! THAT IS RIDICULOUS!
(everyone at table stops talking and making noise except for Eve, who is singing the theme song to Dora The Explorer to herself and Zechariah who squeezes six more sentences in before realizing the room has gone silent)
Isaac: Dad, Dad, Dad
Dad: What?
Isaac: (pulling on the buckles of his booster seat) Out
(Dad reaches down and unbuckles the harness of Isaac's booster seat while the general noise of the room slowly begins to rise. Isaac immediately begins to align clasps to rebuckle the harness of his booster seat)
Elijah: So wait. If they are poor, how do they afford all of that stuff?
Josiah: (sighing and looking disappointed) Seriously Nut?
Elijah: (to Josiah) What? That was a good question.
Josiah: (To Elijah) If you ask questions, Dad is going to talk all night. Heck if you make the mistake of looking interested, he may go on all night.
Matthew: (To Elijah) It's best not to make eye contact.
(Dad looks at Mom with an open mouthed expression that says "can you believe these kids?".)
(Mom looks back at Dad, eyebrows raised, with a look that says, "they have a point.")
Dad: (to all) Anyway, they are poor in that they don't make much money, or actually have much money, but they have a lot of stuff because it is given to them either by the government, or by charities, or they've simply learned how to keep what money they do make secret so they can continue to collect charity. Many of the poor people in America also don't pay for many of the things that most people consider "essential" so that they can afford the TVs and gaming systems.
Bekah: Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom...
Grace: So wait, poor people aren't poor?
Dad: (To Grace) Just hang on sweetie. It will make sense in a bit.
Isaac: Dad, Dad, Dad
Dad: (to Isaac) What?
Bekah: (To Dad) I was talking to Mom
Isaac: (to Dad) Out
Dad: (to Bekah, while unbuckling Isaacs booster seat buckle) I was talking to Isaac.
Bekah: Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom...
Elijah: But can't people just see that these people have really nice things and realize that they don't need charity?
Mom: GRACE, NOAH, AND SAMUEL! SIT YOUR BOTTOMS BACK DOWN AT THE TABLE! YOU KNOW BETTER THAN THAT! NO ONE GETS DOWN FROM THE TABLE UNTIL EVERYONE GETS DOWN FROM THE TABLE!
(Gripped with fear, Grace, Noah, and Samuel all look at Dad in a flash, find Dad's face fixed on Elijah, the recipient of Dad's latest lecture, and relaxed realizing that Dad wasn't backing Mom up at this point. They returned to their seats.)
Matthew: In Haiti, you're rich if you have access to water, TVs aren't even in it.
Joshua: You said in Haiti they pee in the same water they use to drink and cook with. So really they aren't very rich even if they have water.
Hannah: (shoulders slumped and head hanging) Are we done yet?
Josiah: So I heard this white comedian today on Pandora talking about how he dated a girl that lived in Harlem. He was funny.
Matthew: (to Josiah) I'll tell you whose funny...
Mom: Seriously? Your Dad was talking. GUYS! YOUR DAD IS TALKING!
(the room quiets as Zechariah continues to talk, now about alligators.)
Joshua: Where is Eve?
Dad: (glances at Eve's empty spot then shouts down the hall) Eve Isabella, you need to come sit back down!
Samuel: (to Noah) When I'm grown up I'm going to be able to fly.
Noah: (to Samuel) Everyone can fly, in an airplane.
Samuel: (to Noah) I'm going to fly without an airplane
Noah: (to Samuel) How?
Samuel: (to Noah) With a cape.
Noah: (To Samuel) Capes don't actually lift you up and make you fly, they just flap around behind you.
Samuel: (to Noah) I'll have a cape that makes me fly.
Noah: (To Samuel) If a cape made you fly, it would just yank you up by your neck and hang you
Samuel: (to Noah) That's only because you don't know how to use a cape
Noah: (To Samuel) Neither do you.
Samuel: (to Noah) Yes I do.
Noah: (To Samuel) How?
Samuel: (to Noah) Oh no you don't. I'm not telling you because then you'll steal my idea.
Noah: (To Samuel) You don't have an idea.
Mom: Would you two stop fighting.
(Samuel looks surprised)
Noah: (to Mom) We aren't fighting. Samuel thinks he's going to be able to fly
Dad: (to Noah) Why do you care. If he wants to fly, let him fly.
Noah: (to Dad) No, that's the point. He can't... Oh never-mind.
Mom: (to Dad) Are you going to finish so we can let these guys down?
Isaac: Dad, Dad, Dad, Daaaaaaaaaaaaad!
Dad: (to Isaac) WHAT?
Isaac: (to Dad) Out.
(Dad again unbuckles Isaac's booster seat and Isaac immediately commences rebuckling it.)
Josiah: Anyway, this comedian said that in New York something like 100th street is the break off where white people can travel safely, but any farther and it's risky.
Dad: Here's the problem with the poor in America.
Grace: (hand raised) So what are we talking about?
Dad: (to Grace) hold on sweetie, it's almost over. (to all) Anyway, in America, we try to take care of our poor. It's a good idea. It's never, ever wrong to give to those that are less fortunate than yourself, but when the government runs it, it just doesn't work very well. The heart behind it is good, but it's just not very effective. But, the fact that we do try to take care of our poor, and that fact that so many of those people do live so well, makes it very easy for Americans to fall into two really nasty sins.
Matthew: Dad walking around with his pants sagging is a sin. Is that one of the big nasty ones?
Josiah: This comedian was like, "I was really hoping she would live at like 103rd. Ya know, where I could look back and still see the white people. Because I am shockingly white."
(Grace and Samuel break into a general wrestling match raising the volume of the room up beyond conversational levels)
Dad: (to all) HEY! YOU TWO KNOCK IT OFF! EVERYONE ELSE, BRING IT DOWN!
(everyone quiets except Zechariah who is talking about facts that he's read about jelly fish)
Hannah: (to Dad) So Dad, did you see the Selina Gomez background I put on the home computer. It is sooo cool. I did the actual background part my self. It's like a wavy rainbow with Selina Gomez's pictures on it.
Josiah: "but nooooo, she had to live at 127th. I was surrounded on all sides..."
Matthew: Are we eating watermelon tonight?
Mom: (to Matthew) Son, you guys have eaten like a dozen watermelons in the last two weeks.
Matthew: I don't understand the problem with this.
Dad: (to all) Anyway, the first sin is get so frustrated with...
Matthew: Actually, I'm serious. Are we eating Watermelon tonight? For real.
Dad: (to Matthew) You are obsessed. And, yes, I'm sure we're eating another watermelon tonight.
Joshua: I think I have poison ivy from mowing.
Isaac: Dad, Dad, Dad, Daaaaaaaaaad!
Dad (to Isaac) WHAT?
Isaac: Out
(Dad again unbuckles Isaac's booster seat and Isaac immediately commences rebuckling it.)
Josiah: "In my mind, I knew I shouldn't cross 100th, so my mind had an argument with my pants. (pause) When I got to 127th..."
Mom: (to Josiah) Seriously? We are at the dinner table with the little ones.
Dad: (to Josiah, chuckling at Josiah's imitation of the comedian) Use some discretion please
Hannah: (arms almost on the ground and head hanging) Are we done yet?
Mom: (to Dad) You really do need to wrap it up
Zechariah: Have you ever seen an Angel Shark?
Dad: OK, so the first sin that is way to easy to fall into in America is to do what the Bible calls "turning a deaf ear to the poor". Basically to put blinders on and pretend like there aren't people in the world that are dying every day from starvation and preventable disease. In the U.S., it's easy to get so frustrated with our welfare system that you lump all poverty into the catagory of American Welfare and just let the TRULY poor, both in America and the rest of the world, suffer while you skate along happily through your life.
Hannah: Are blinders those things that they put on horses?
Dad: (To Hannah) Yes. They keep the horses running straight.
Joshua: Did I tell you the name of the horse in the book I'm writing?
Bekah: Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom
Mom: (to Bekah) WHAT BEKAH?
Bekah: (to Mom) Can I go poop?
Mom: (to Bekah) Yes, goodness. Go. Just stop yelling at me.
(Elijah leaves the far end of the table and moves to the empty seats vacated by Bekah who is now in the restroom offstage, and Eve who has never returned.)
Josiah: Oh Nut! Really? You're moving closer? He's never going to stop now.
Matthew: Oh No.
Dad: Anyway, ignoring real poverty is the first sin that is very easy to fall into as an American.
Elijah: That reminds me of a Movie.
All: (in perfect unison) EVERYTHING REMINDS YOU OF A MOVIE!
(Elijah drops his head grinning sheepishly)
Samuel: Dad, can you tell Grace to stop hitting me?
Grace: (snatching her hands away from Samuel) He did it first
(general noise comes from the desk in the living room where Zechariah, Hannah, and Noah have congregated)
Bekah: (from down the hall) CAN SOMEBODY WIPE MY HINEY?
Elijah: So what is the second sin?
Matthew: Dad's pants sagging.
Mom: (to Matthew) For real?
Matthew: (to Mom) No, for fake
Josiah: So I figured out the name of that Irish band I couldn't remember.
Dad: Holy Cow, can I finish? The second sin, and probably worse than the first, is a general lack of gratitude. Are you guys listening? I seriously do want you to get this.
Bekah: (From down the hall) CAN SOMEBODY COME WIPE MY HINEY?
Mom: Nut, go wipe your sister's hiney.
Nut: (sigh's deeply and assumes a sunken posture) OK
If you've ever had dinner with us, you've probably heard much of this before. If you haven't, come on over. We'd love to have you. Just realize that as fantastic of a cook as Esther is, at our table, the conversation has far more variety than the meal.
Setting- The Heintzelman Dinner Table. The meal has been finished and the characters are sitting at the table talking.
Mom: (to Dad) I read a very interesting article today, written by this guy who did a study on the people in America who live below the poverty level.
Dad: (to Mom) Yeah, I saw a headline. Something about how they are rich compared to the rest of the world.
Rebekah: (seemingly to the air, giving every indication this mantra has been going on for some time) Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom.. (Character continues as conversations resumes)
Zechariah: (speaking incredibly fast from far end of table, also seemingly to the air) Did you know the only part of a shark that you can even eat is the fins? Actually, I don't know if that is true of all sharks, but I read that it's true of some.
Samuel: (using his fork as a super hero and his cup as a villain) "I will conquer the world", "Not so fast", (fork stabs cup), "CURSE YOU PERRY THE PLATYPUS!"
Mom: (to Dad) Actually, the story was about how rich the poor are compared to the middle class. Not rich in terms of income or cash on hand, but rich in terms of actual amenities. BEKAH, STOP! I am trying to talk to your dad.
Bekah: (after a 1/4 second pause) Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom... (Character continues as conversations resumes)
Isaac: (to Dad) Dad, Dad, Dad
Dad: (to Isaac) What?
Isaac: (to Dad) Poop
Dad: (to Isaac) Did you poop?
Isaac: (to Dad) Yeah
Dad: (to Elijah) Nut, Isaac made a flower for you.
(Elijah sighs deeply and drops his head)
Isaac: (to Matthew) Math, Math, Math
Mathew: (to Isaac) What?
Isaac: (to Matthew) Poop
Matthew: (to Isaac) Did you Poop?
Isaac: (to Matthew) Yeah
Matthew: (raising his voice, but still looking at his plate) Nut, Isaac made a flower for you.
(Elijah sighs even more deeply and drops his head even deeper)
Mom: (now seeming to simply talk to her plate) The study showed that something like 80% of the people in the U.S. Have at least two TVs, one or more cars, a gaming system...
Dad: Did you know that 76% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
Joshua: Wait. Is that true?
Dad: No, I just made it up on the spot.
Joshua: Wait. (looks off into the distance with a contemplative expression)
Mom: (raising voice over general cacophony) Anyway, when it comes to standard of living and and the general amenities of life, America's poor live really good.
Matthew/Dad: (simultaneously) Well. Live really Well.
(General volume reaches a painful level)
Dad: HEY! BRING IT DOWN! THAT IS RIDICULOUS!
(everyone at table stops talking and making noise except for Eve, who is singing the theme song to Dora The Explorer to herself and Zechariah who squeezes six more sentences in before realizing the room has gone silent)
Isaac: Dad, Dad, Dad
Dad: What?
Isaac: (pulling on the buckles of his booster seat) Out
(Dad reaches down and unbuckles the harness of Isaac's booster seat while the general noise of the room slowly begins to rise. Isaac immediately begins to align clasps to rebuckle the harness of his booster seat)
Elijah: So wait. If they are poor, how do they afford all of that stuff?
Josiah: (sighing and looking disappointed) Seriously Nut?
Elijah: (to Josiah) What? That was a good question.
Josiah: (To Elijah) If you ask questions, Dad is going to talk all night. Heck if you make the mistake of looking interested, he may go on all night.
Matthew: (To Elijah) It's best not to make eye contact.
(Dad looks at Mom with an open mouthed expression that says "can you believe these kids?".)
(Mom looks back at Dad, eyebrows raised, with a look that says, "they have a point.")
Dad: (to all) Anyway, they are poor in that they don't make much money, or actually have much money, but they have a lot of stuff because it is given to them either by the government, or by charities, or they've simply learned how to keep what money they do make secret so they can continue to collect charity. Many of the poor people in America also don't pay for many of the things that most people consider "essential" so that they can afford the TVs and gaming systems.
Bekah: Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom...
Grace: So wait, poor people aren't poor?
Dad: (To Grace) Just hang on sweetie. It will make sense in a bit.
Isaac: Dad, Dad, Dad
Dad: (to Isaac) What?
Bekah: (To Dad) I was talking to Mom
Isaac: (to Dad) Out
Dad: (to Bekah, while unbuckling Isaacs booster seat buckle) I was talking to Isaac.
Bekah: Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom...
Elijah: But can't people just see that these people have really nice things and realize that they don't need charity?
Mom: GRACE, NOAH, AND SAMUEL! SIT YOUR BOTTOMS BACK DOWN AT THE TABLE! YOU KNOW BETTER THAN THAT! NO ONE GETS DOWN FROM THE TABLE UNTIL EVERYONE GETS DOWN FROM THE TABLE!
(Gripped with fear, Grace, Noah, and Samuel all look at Dad in a flash, find Dad's face fixed on Elijah, the recipient of Dad's latest lecture, and relaxed realizing that Dad wasn't backing Mom up at this point. They returned to their seats.)
Matthew: In Haiti, you're rich if you have access to water, TVs aren't even in it.
Joshua: You said in Haiti they pee in the same water they use to drink and cook with. So really they aren't very rich even if they have water.
Hannah: (shoulders slumped and head hanging) Are we done yet?
Josiah: So I heard this white comedian today on Pandora talking about how he dated a girl that lived in Harlem. He was funny.
Matthew: (to Josiah) I'll tell you whose funny...
Mom: Seriously? Your Dad was talking. GUYS! YOUR DAD IS TALKING!
(the room quiets as Zechariah continues to talk, now about alligators.)
Joshua: Where is Eve?
Dad: (glances at Eve's empty spot then shouts down the hall) Eve Isabella, you need to come sit back down!
Samuel: (to Noah) When I'm grown up I'm going to be able to fly.
Noah: (to Samuel) Everyone can fly, in an airplane.
Samuel: (to Noah) I'm going to fly without an airplane
Noah: (to Samuel) How?
Samuel: (to Noah) With a cape.
Noah: (To Samuel) Capes don't actually lift you up and make you fly, they just flap around behind you.
Samuel: (to Noah) I'll have a cape that makes me fly.
Noah: (To Samuel) If a cape made you fly, it would just yank you up by your neck and hang you
Samuel: (to Noah) That's only because you don't know how to use a cape
Noah: (To Samuel) Neither do you.
Samuel: (to Noah) Yes I do.
Noah: (To Samuel) How?
Samuel: (to Noah) Oh no you don't. I'm not telling you because then you'll steal my idea.
Noah: (To Samuel) You don't have an idea.
Mom: Would you two stop fighting.
(Samuel looks surprised)
Noah: (to Mom) We aren't fighting. Samuel thinks he's going to be able to fly
Dad: (to Noah) Why do you care. If he wants to fly, let him fly.
Noah: (to Dad) No, that's the point. He can't... Oh never-mind.
Mom: (to Dad) Are you going to finish so we can let these guys down?
Isaac: Dad, Dad, Dad, Daaaaaaaaaaaaad!
Dad: (to Isaac) WHAT?
Isaac: (to Dad) Out.
(Dad again unbuckles Isaac's booster seat and Isaac immediately commences rebuckling it.)
Josiah: Anyway, this comedian said that in New York something like 100th street is the break off where white people can travel safely, but any farther and it's risky.
Dad: Here's the problem with the poor in America.
Grace: (hand raised) So what are we talking about?
Dad: (to Grace) hold on sweetie, it's almost over. (to all) Anyway, in America, we try to take care of our poor. It's a good idea. It's never, ever wrong to give to those that are less fortunate than yourself, but when the government runs it, it just doesn't work very well. The heart behind it is good, but it's just not very effective. But, the fact that we do try to take care of our poor, and that fact that so many of those people do live so well, makes it very easy for Americans to fall into two really nasty sins.
Matthew: Dad walking around with his pants sagging is a sin. Is that one of the big nasty ones?
Josiah: This comedian was like, "I was really hoping she would live at like 103rd. Ya know, where I could look back and still see the white people. Because I am shockingly white."
(Grace and Samuel break into a general wrestling match raising the volume of the room up beyond conversational levels)
Dad: (to all) HEY! YOU TWO KNOCK IT OFF! EVERYONE ELSE, BRING IT DOWN!
(everyone quiets except Zechariah who is talking about facts that he's read about jelly fish)
Hannah: (to Dad) So Dad, did you see the Selina Gomez background I put on the home computer. It is sooo cool. I did the actual background part my self. It's like a wavy rainbow with Selina Gomez's pictures on it.
Josiah: "but nooooo, she had to live at 127th. I was surrounded on all sides..."
Matthew: Are we eating watermelon tonight?
Mom: (to Matthew) Son, you guys have eaten like a dozen watermelons in the last two weeks.
Matthew: I don't understand the problem with this.
Dad: (to all) Anyway, the first sin is get so frustrated with...
Matthew: Actually, I'm serious. Are we eating Watermelon tonight? For real.
Dad: (to Matthew) You are obsessed. And, yes, I'm sure we're eating another watermelon tonight.
Joshua: I think I have poison ivy from mowing.
Isaac: Dad, Dad, Dad, Daaaaaaaaaad!
Dad (to Isaac) WHAT?
Isaac: Out
(Dad again unbuckles Isaac's booster seat and Isaac immediately commences rebuckling it.)
Josiah: "In my mind, I knew I shouldn't cross 100th, so my mind had an argument with my pants. (pause) When I got to 127th..."
Mom: (to Josiah) Seriously? We are at the dinner table with the little ones.
Dad: (to Josiah, chuckling at Josiah's imitation of the comedian) Use some discretion please
Hannah: (arms almost on the ground and head hanging) Are we done yet?
Mom: (to Dad) You really do need to wrap it up
Zechariah: Have you ever seen an Angel Shark?
Dad: OK, so the first sin that is way to easy to fall into in America is to do what the Bible calls "turning a deaf ear to the poor". Basically to put blinders on and pretend like there aren't people in the world that are dying every day from starvation and preventable disease. In the U.S., it's easy to get so frustrated with our welfare system that you lump all poverty into the catagory of American Welfare and just let the TRULY poor, both in America and the rest of the world, suffer while you skate along happily through your life.
Hannah: Are blinders those things that they put on horses?
Dad: (To Hannah) Yes. They keep the horses running straight.
Joshua: Did I tell you the name of the horse in the book I'm writing?
Bekah: Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom
Mom: (to Bekah) WHAT BEKAH?
Bekah: (to Mom) Can I go poop?
Mom: (to Bekah) Yes, goodness. Go. Just stop yelling at me.
(Elijah leaves the far end of the table and moves to the empty seats vacated by Bekah who is now in the restroom offstage, and Eve who has never returned.)
Josiah: Oh Nut! Really? You're moving closer? He's never going to stop now.
Matthew: Oh No.
Dad: Anyway, ignoring real poverty is the first sin that is very easy to fall into as an American.
Elijah: That reminds me of a Movie.
All: (in perfect unison) EVERYTHING REMINDS YOU OF A MOVIE!
(Elijah drops his head grinning sheepishly)
Samuel: Dad, can you tell Grace to stop hitting me?
Grace: (snatching her hands away from Samuel) He did it first
(general noise comes from the desk in the living room where Zechariah, Hannah, and Noah have congregated)
Bekah: (from down the hall) CAN SOMEBODY WIPE MY HINEY?
Elijah: So what is the second sin?
Matthew: Dad's pants sagging.
Mom: (to Matthew) For real?
Matthew: (to Mom) No, for fake
Josiah: So I figured out the name of that Irish band I couldn't remember.
Dad: Holy Cow, can I finish? The second sin, and probably worse than the first, is a general lack of gratitude. Are you guys listening? I seriously do want you to get this.
Bekah: (From down the hall) CAN SOMEBODY COME WIPE MY HINEY?
Mom: Nut, go wipe your sister's hiney.
Nut: (sigh's deeply and assumes a sunken posture) OK
Isaac: Dad, Dad, Dad, Daaaaaaaaaad!
Dad (to Isaac) WHAT?
Isaac: Out
(Dad again unbuckles Isaac's booster seat. This time Isaac stands up in his seat, then sits back down and starts rebuckling his belt on his booster seat)
Matthew: Oh man, Isaac, you are stinky!
Mom: He told you he was poopy a long time ago.
Matthew: Nut won't change him.
Mom: Seriously? You are completely capable of changing him. There is no reason for you to push all the bad jobs off on Elijah. He's wiping Bekah's hiney already. You need to change Isaac.
(Matthew starts to rise)
Dad: (to Matthew) Wait, I want you to hear the rest of this.
Mom: (to Dad) Babe, he's going to get a diaper rash. He has a sensitive hiney.
Matthew: I have a sensitive hiney
Dad: Oh, Brother
Elijah: (returned from bathroom without Bekah, in his best Big Labowski voice) I got a rash
Mom: Seriously?
Dad: (setting off in a "this is the final monologue" tone of voice") Anyway, and I really do want you to hear this, the best way to explain the second sin that is really easy to fall into in America is like this. If you work really hard. If you make all the right sacrifices. If you use good Biblical wisdom. If you take advantage of every opportunity that come your way. If you do all these things in America, and you succeed, it is really easy to feel like you deserve the good you have. If you work hard, make sacrifices, use wisdom, and take advantage of opportunities, it is really easy to feel like you earned it, and you sort of did. All four of those things will give you a better life here than you'd have if you didn't do those four things. The hard thing to remember is, in most of the world, if you work hard, make sacrifices, use wisdom, and take advantage of every possible opportunity, you still starve. And for no reason other than the fact that you were born in a country where those things aren't enough to make a difference. No matter how far you go because of hard work, sacrifice, wisdom and taking available opportunities, your success still boils down to the fact that you just happened to be born in a place where those things actually make a difference. It could have just as easily been the other way. You could have just as easily been born somewhere where you have to spend six to eight hours of every day just trying to get enough water to survive. A place where hard work, sacrifice, wisdom, and opportunity are what it takes just to survive, and often times still aren't enough for that. No matter how successful you may be, you always have to recognize, be sensitive to, and do all you can to help those that have nothing, and you always have to be grateful that you were born in a place where success was even an option. That's it. I'm done. Dinner Chores.
(all characters exit stage in various directions)
If you've ever had dinner with us, you've probably heard much of this before. If you haven't, come on over. We'd love to have you. Just realize that as fantastic of a cook as Esther is, at our table, the conversation has far more variety than the meal.
